


Disputable

by dancing_moon



Category: Sailor Moon
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-11-28
Updated: 2002-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-17 20:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancing_moon/pseuds/dancing_moon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long, boring meetings in the Silver Millenium lead to unexpected happenings between Senshi, Shitennou and the royal heirs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disputable

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Disputable  
> Author: Dancing Moon dancing_  
> Warnings: Slight use of bad language.  
> Feedback: Comments, constructive criticism and naked bishounen are welcomed – flames will be used to heat my room with *whines* I want summer again!  
> Soundtrack: Sailor Moon and Tokyo Babylon OST  
> Notes: This is what I do instead of homework ^_^

With a frustrated sigh, Kunzite surveyed the scene in front of him. Not good, not good at all...

"Could you at least try to *look* as if you're listening to a word I'm saying?" he grumbled half-heartedly. The response was, to say the least, lacking in intensity. A few grunts, a slight nod he wasn't even sure had been aimed at him; possibly at his feet, but not at him.

Not that the most powerful of the Four Lords could blame any of them – after four days and three night of negotiations with the Silver Millennium Alliance, interrupted only by (infrequent) meals and (an excess of) bad speeches, his own motivation was one more word about "Goodwill between planets" from calling in sick.  
Running a hand through his matted white hair, Kunzite desperately racked his brain for something that could stop this entire meeting to turn into the millennium's most noble collection of zombies.

It was all because of rules. Personally, the white-haired man felt that this particular solar system had too many (stupid) rules for its own good.  
Earth's tradition, nay, by now it had evolved into law, demanded that all interplanetary conflicts were solved immediately. Therefore the council had been hastily called to Vesta, the singularly most boring place in the Galaxy as far as the white-haired man was considered.  
On the Moon, it was custom to resolve everything during one sitting; considering that the Moon folk were almost ridiculously trusting of their Queen, this posed no difficulties, since she settled all disputes efficiently and within a few minutes of hearing the matter.  
The Martian Act of Honesty in War forbade anyone who left a meeting of allies, friends or mortal enemies to return, with the exception of visiting the deathbed of a close relative – Martians had a strong sense of family. (Unfortunately, Kunzite had long ago used up his quota of extremely ill old aunts and suchlike.)  
The brash and outspoken folk of Jupiter were firm believers in 'free speech' (not to mention 'free fighting') and demanded that everyone who so wished should be allowed to voice his/her/its opinion on a meeting. Assuming it concerned one's well-being in any way, of course, but that was merely a technicality. The Jupiterians considered events two galaxies away their business.  
Then, there was the matter of the Venusians; though often being considered a shallow people, they were almost fanatic when it came to making protocols of important events (one of the most adamant supporters of this custom was the V-press, the largest and most disreputable tabloid on any of the nine planets). As it was, the seven chosen secretaries were arguing how to best transcribe a yawn into an official document – they had resolved for omitting snores altogether, seeing that they did not contribute much to the discussion.  
All of this, coupled with the peculiar Mercurial custom to hold all gatherings consisting of more than four intelligent beings in sterile, white rooms with no soft surfaces (or pillows!), made the entire thing an ordeal even for the strongest man.

Only one speck of light was visible in the entire gloomy affair – after four horribly long days filled with pointless debates, boring speeches, flat out arguments and one memorable breaking of a nose (the nose in question belonged to the leader of the Pro-Terrestrial fraction, the punch leading to its' breakage courtesy of Sailor Jupiter) no mere mortal could stay awake.  
The majority of participants had either stumbled home or been carried out (after a not-so-subtle hint by Sailor Mercury, who wished to resolve matters quickly and return to her highly interesting toxicological experiment) leaving only the four Heavenly Lords of the Earth, the Planetary Warriors of the Silver Millennium and His Majesties Endymion and Serenity; none of them quite mortals and certainly not "mere" anything.  
Now, if the assembly could just *wake up*, they might even reach a decision!  
Sadly, that anything resembling coherent thought would find its way into the brains of the lords and ladies of the nine planets seemed highly unlikely at the moment.

Over in a corner, a sleepy Jadeite was discussing the pros and cons of cheese-covered strawberries with the (somewhat bedraggled) Warrior of Fire. As far as Kunzite knew, this was the first conversation the two had had without either Mars blowing a gasket over the chauvinistic society of Earth, or Jadeite loudly proclaiming his disgust at everything female (except breasts), since... well, ever.  
Of course, this private little war of the sexes had never been any greater hindrance in their relationship. Privately, Kunzite had always suspected they only kept it up for the make-up sex, which, according to Jadeite, was 'bloody marvelous'.

Not surprisingly, Nephrite was drinking. However, since all alcoholic beverages were banned on this meeting, he was forced to resort to green tea. It had led to much cursing and complaining in the beginning, though he seemed to have gotten over his dislike of the beverage. Admittedly, the way the Lord of the West was now happily downing one cup after the other did worry Kunzite slightly.  
The Commander of the North craned his neck to get a better view, but even tough suspicion was as much a second nature to him as giving orders, the white-haired man did not believe Nephrite dumb enough to actually try and smuggle alcohol with him to a meeting such as this one.  
Feeling the cold stare aimed in his direction, the Star King gave a lopsided grin and waved slightly. Then, to the utter shock of his commander, his eyes focused on nothing, and he began to giggle softly, returning to his tea.  
With a shiver, Kunzite closed his eyes and contemplated how long one could go without sleep before having a breakdown. He felt fairly certain that Nephrite was reaching this limit, wherever it might lie. (He also knew that he had about two seconds to open his eyes, or he'd fall blissfully asleep – it was a hard struggle, but Lord Kunzite had never been one to give up)

If the western Lord was nearing the borders of sanity, it could well be argued that his fiancée Sailor Jupiter had long passed it. She was currently busying herself with braiding her beloved's auburn tresses. That was fine and well, but Kunzite really felt that the small zaps of lightning with which she finished each individual braid, the heat melting the tip together and the generated electricity making the couple virtually buzz with static, was really going a bit overboard. It did result in a highly... interesting hairstyle, though.

At least the Warrior of Mercury resembled a normal human being, at least on the surface. Her clear blue eyes had lost some of their usual sharpness, possibly due to the dark rings beneath them. Judging from the soft stream of blasphemous words which accompanied her typing one could also assume she was not hitting the correct keys quite as often as intended.  
For a moment, the white-haired entertained the thought of asking her what she was working with so intently at this time of the day (or night? maybe dawn?) He decided against it after short contemplation; why not keep the illusion that at least one of them was thinking rationally even now?

If he had not been used to rigorous self-discipline and absolute honesty, towards himself as well as others, Kunzite might have been tempted to believe he was still acting sane. However, his position involved seeing things as they really were, no matter how unpleasant, and the northern Lord knew he was currently showcasing highly abnormal behavior. For one, he'd removed his cape and his jacket and his otherwise perfectly kept hair was in disarray, a previously unimaginable state of things. Secondly, he had, in a moment of weakness, conjured a comfortable divan to relieve his aching back. Not to mention, the tanned lord thought sourly, I'm rambling to myself.  
The most obvious hint, however, that something was wrong with the man known throughout the solar system as the "Ice King", was the fact that he was lying on a divan. With his head lolling down over the edge and the long legs propped up against the wall. Had someone asked why he was doing this, Kunzite would have explained (unless, of course, he just blew them to bits for harassing him) that the position, uh... allowed more blood to flow into his brain... yes. Yes, exactly!  
That it was more fun to see everything upside down had nothing to do with it at all, it was simply a matter of dividing the oxygen in his body more efficiently. Yes indeed.

Abandoning this somewhat depressing train of thought, the grey eyes settled fondly upon a true sleeping beauty. His sleeping beauty, to be precise, and even on the brink of falling in coma, Kunzite was meticulously exact. (Nephrite had once remarked he would probably return from the dead to oversee his own burial, which had earned him a sound beating)  
Sailor Venus, spent after having tried to motivate her fellow warriors during the last days, had dozed off in her chair. Even sprawled like this, with a slight trickle of drool making its way down her chin, she gleamed like her element; golden and attractive.  
Well, Kunzite had to admit, she would have been attractive, if not for the doodles placed upon her sleeping face by an insanely giggling Zoisite, urged on by the equally tittering princess Serenity. He'd have to reprimand the other about that, later. Much later.

Now down from his sugar-and-caffeine high, Zoisite lay beneath the conference table, only occasionally muttering something along the lines of "mnoasleeeep" or, even more frequently, "whersm'damncoffee".  
By decree of Endymion, though, no one was allowed to give the sakura *anything* even remotely connected to caffeine until he had had at the least 48 hours of straight sleep. This had been the first proposal during the congress that had been (with the exception of aforementioned sakura) unanimously consented.

Serenity was... where was Serenity?  
In Kunzite's sleep-ridden brain, weak but stubborn alarm bells began to sound. Craning his neck around, he tried to see the princess, but to no avail. With a frown, the Ice King slided down from his comfortable position to sit on the floor. Wobbling only slightly (hardly noticeable, and definitely not worth mentioning. Had there not been a conveniently placed alabaster statue, though, things might have progressed very differently indeed), he even managed to stand up. As the world regained its correct angle, Kunzite began his search for blond hair once more. Ah, there- no, that was Venus. Dammit.  
Feeling slightly nervous now, but trying to stay calm (even princesses needed to use the bathroom, no?) he searched for Enymdion. Not in his seat, but then, no one was by now. Not in a corner, not (as he found out after having crawled on all fours over Zoisite) under any table or other piece of furniture. Not even hanging in the lamp, which had been Kunzite's last desperate hope.  
They were both gone which meant not just absent but gone away, together. *Dammit.*

Now what?

Clearing his throat, the Lord of the North proclaimed, "Serenity and Endymion are missing."  
This time, he got even less of a reaction.

"I said, Serenity – that's your princess in case you've forgotten," he grumbled, looking pointedly at Sailors Jupiter who just winked flirtatiously at him, "and Endymion - who happens to be our prince," he glared a few daggers at Jadeite, but they bounced off harmlessly, "have disappeared. Is anyone listening to me?"

"You really have to ask?" Sailor Mercury said, still not taking her eyes from the blue laptop.

Relieved that he would not be forced to take sole responsibility for the catastrophe which was, no doubt, underway in this very moment, Kunzite said, "Well, at least I got a reaction from you."

Sailor Mercury sniffed. "Have nothing better to do anyway. I've run out of zeros anyway..."

Nonplussed, Kunzite only stared until the blue warrior showed him her computer. "Here, the high scores list. No more zeros; takes all the fun out of it."

"You have been playing games."

She nodded, and for a short moment the white-haired man entertained the notion to give her a sharp reprimand. To his credit, it must be said that Kunzite new he had absolutely no right to order a warrior of the Silver Millennium around, but that had never stopped him from trying before (if anything, it was the faint hope that he might lend the game that kept him silent)

"Games... they're nice," he mumbled. "What was I saying?"

The wide gesture, supposed to bring the Ice King's attention back to the complete lack of royalty, was obviously a bit too sophisticated at a time like this, Sailor Mercury reflected at the blank look she received.  
"Endymion and Serenity."

"Endy- Oh, damn!"

Before Kunzite would go back to the futile attempts at waking their company up, Sailor Mercury produced a nearly finished contract.  
"Before running off and trying to find the lovebirds," she said, ignoring Kunzite's sputtered denial about the pair being in any way romantically linked (denial, Mercury thought, was a fascinating but bothersome thing), "why don't you and I finish this?"

Knowing it would take far too long for the terran to read in his current state, she quickly continued, "We all know that this entire problem is foolishness. You and I, we could wrap things up in a matter of minutes... then we can all go home and sleep."

"Not until I've found Endymion," Kunzite said, the thought of 'going home' having a refreshing effect on his mind. "Unfortunately," his face drooped slightly, "we can not conclude this business without your Lady's and my Lord's signature. And since they have had the grace to leave," not even an rock-hard loyalty could hinder the frustrated note from entering into the white-haired man's voice, "we seem to have reached a dead end."

Intelligent, though bloodshot, eyes regarded reddish gray for a moment. "Surely that is no problem. Couldn't we just..?" Sailor Mercury waved her hand vaguely about, in the universal gesture for 'we both know what I'm talking about so why spell it out?' and smiled hopefully.

With a haughty sweep of his arm (which would have looked a lot more impressive had his cape been at its' usual place), Kunzite turned his back on the Warrior of Water. "Lady Mercury, I assure you, not in my wildest dreams has it occurred to me that I would *forge* the signature of his Highness Endymion of the Earth!"

This time, it was Sailor Mercury who stared blankly at Kunzite, as he settled on the divan. She opened her mouth, decided against it, changed her mind and opened it once more.  
"Honestly?"

Looking as superior as is humanly possible while lounging on a couch and trying to reach a pillow with your toes, the Ice King answered.  
"Honestly."

Absentmindedly, she bent down and handed Kunzite the pillow, which he then promptly threw at Jadeite and Sailor Mars.  
"Show some dignity! There are ladies present!"

A high-pitched giggle floated over from the corner where the couple had previously been conversing. Sometime during the last half hour they had gone over to, err, less verbal and quite a bit more... physical activity.  
"Oh, I don't mind," Mercury mumbled as Jadeite ignored his commander's order completely and continued undressing Mars (which lead to a definite increase in giggling and some other sound that shall not be further examined here) "They don't have anything I haven't seen before anyway."

Knowing who Sailor Mercury was supposedly having a slightly-more-than-friends relationship with, Kunzite found that a tad hard to believe... after all, considering how the Lord of the East was almost two feet taller than Zoisite, Kunzite had a hard time imagining him being quite that slight of build elsewhere.

Somehow (Kunzite nailed it down to woman's intuition, Mercury to the way men in general think) the blue haired woman managed to interpret his slight cough of disbelief correctly.  
"You know, he's not quite that small all over," she said slyly, enjoying the mixture of curiosity and disgust that came over the man's features. "However, that was not the topic. Are you telling me that you've never been inclined to, uh, creative administrative decisions?"

"Never," Kunzite said with a perfectly clear face. After a moment of silence, during which the couple in the corner conjured up a large (fiery red) sofa of their own to hide behind before really getting down to business and the Warrior of Water silently gave up on both her sleep and the highly interesting experiment waiting for her at Mercury, he coughed discretely.  
"Nephrite has the best handwriting," he said, managing to look almost completely serious. "Though I do believe I might manage, in the case of an emergency."

Nodding gravely, Sailor Mercury said, "One can not speak to lightly of the consequences it would have, should it ever become known to the general public that their leaders are unable to come to a satisfying agreement over a matter of this magnitude."

"Too true," Kunzite agreed. "Hand me that damn paper, and let's all go home and get some sleep!"

Smiling, she gave him the decree, but not before signing it (in overly curly letters that just screamed of young, cute innocence) 'Serenity Serenitas of the White Moon of the Silver Millennium'.

Besides that, Kunzites carefully scrawled 'Endymion Terra of the Earth' seemed decidedly out of place, but that couldn't have bothered them any less.

"What did we decide, anyway?" the gray (actually, at the moment they were more blood tinged) eyed man asked. "Bowing or curtsying?"

With a shrug, Sailor Mercury put the document back to wherever she had acquired it. "I compromised – by royal decree, all Warriors of the Nine Planets and Moons are now required to either bow or curtsy before the rulers of aforementioned planets and moons."  
Then, she yawned, threw Kunzite a slightly bemused look, and sank to the floor close to Zoisite. Approximately two seconds later, the young woman was snoring lightly and snuggling closer to her boyfriend.

Blinking sleepily, the Ice King managed to make his way back to his divan before collapsing completely. Several thoughts whirred through his head, like where Serenity and Endymion had gone to, how the hell Jadeite and Mars had energy for that kind of activity right now, where he'd put his cape and so forth.  
His final thought, however, was how lucky he was that the Queen of the Moon had not managed to make curtsying before her (or worse, King Endymion) obligatory; with the possible exception of Zoisite, they'd all looked pretty stupid.  
"But it would've been a sight to see Neph try it," he mumbled before falling into oblivion.

* * *

Yah, that's it ^_^ Short, pointless and hopefully fun?

Btw, I can so not see Ami and Zoisite as a couple, but since I paired everyone else up, it would've been unfair to leave them out, ne?

*clears throath* Now, what you've all been waiting for and/or dreaded... *goes down on her knees* Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaase send feedback! I'll take anything! Anything I'm telling you!


End file.
